Standard and Poor’s and Moody’s to be Downgraded

Next stop - Down and Out

— International

– Quark Khent, Political correspondent

After a series of mistakes and poor management, Standard and Poor’s and Moody’s rating agencies have had their reputation downgraded as of 11:00 this morning.

There has been slowly growing controversy and outrage circling around the world’s two biggest rating agencies. Critics have stood by amazed as both companies have proved their lack of accountability and reliability while playing Steve Jobs (God) with the world economy. Evidence suggests that they have changed ratings with beliefs formed from political bias and poorly-formed economic analysis instead of rational and evidence-based decision-making. One financial commentator went so far as to say that the top economists at the two ratings agencies would be hard pressed to pass the contemporary A-Level Economics paper.

S&P’s and Moody’s are in the process of contesting the decision, claiming that “No-one watches the watchmen”, however Rupert Murdoch’s decision is final.

What does a downgrade mean for S&P’s and Moody’s?

Unfortunately with a rating reduction from “Elite and trustworthy” to “Immoral scumbags” both S&P’s and Moody’s will no longer be taken as gospel by investors or the financial community in general. This means that the companies will be left to analyse the integrity of less important instruments such as uncle Mac’s old Lexus or aunt Mae’s computer. Meanwhile, former competitor Fitch’s will become the biggest player on the ratings scene. However, China has started to complain that since the top rating’s companies of worldwide investment instruments have been American, they are easily affected by the domestic political and economic situation. The Chinese government have instead proposed an international ratings agency, potentially called the Cooperative Hedge INvestment Agency. This is yet to be rejected by business and finance leaders worldwide.

Herman Cain – Georgia’s Eros?

— Georgia, United States

– Win Dee, American Corespondent

"Herman Cain, a man about town" Credit: http://www.opinion-forum.com

Former Presidential hopeful Herman Cain has hit back at detractors criticising his alleged many years of infidelity with a new advertisement for his latest business venture, “A Little Romance”. Cain, the CEO of this new company said during yesterday’s press conference that he has decided to  combine his business skills and his charming ways and put them to good use by helping others who aren’t fortunate enough to hold several romantic relationships at once.

“It just came to me one night,” Cain said,”I sat down after formally dropping out of the 2012 Presidential race and started to think. I wondered what my future held and struggled to devise a way in which I could help the American public without having the power of the Presidential Office behind me. And then, I realised what my future calling will be, helping people who haven’t got that extra bit of spice in their life, people who have too much love for one person to handle. Of course I do respect marriage, it is a strong institution that should not be undermined, I work as an associate minister in my local church so I understand this. However, both of my non-executive directors, Sean Combs, William Clinton and Curtis Jackson agree with me that there’s nothing wrong with having a little too much love. In the future we plan to sell several products, from books such as “It didn’t mean a thing babe” and “You’re the only guy/girl for me” to surprise day trips to the spa or free football tickets for your other half, ensuring you peace and time to see your other family. We hope to start sales in the 1 quarter of 2012.”

Cain’s announcement has received mixed opinions, with men some applauding him for being a true American and a love philanthropist, while many women feel his skills could be put to better use. Several Presidential candidates have their own thoughts on the matter, with an unidentified candidate spreading rumours about the legitimacy of the allegations made against Cain during his Campaign. “Did he really have an extra-marital affair, or did it just give him more publicity for his new business venture? He’s just another Trump, too much wind and no action! So un-American!”

Whether Herman Cain’s business venture will be successful or not is anybody’s guess. Over the coming few months as his publicity accelerates we will finally know whether people hate the player or hate the game.